I just cut my nipple shaving
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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