I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
