meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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