i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
