you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Everclear isn't food dammit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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