I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How drunk are you?
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