I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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