I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
