OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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