Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
