I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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