Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
