Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
