This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
