About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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