Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
