No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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