Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
