wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
