Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
