ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
