You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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