while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
