none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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