No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
