So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
