you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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