Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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