My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
