On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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