i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
accomplished twins. life is a go
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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