i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
