Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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