Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
