i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
