this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
