he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
