I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
