oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
