dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
