He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
