i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
