Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
