maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
