her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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