Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
