So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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