is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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