My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
