the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
