bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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