the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
