Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
