you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
