dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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