He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
