I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
