the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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