i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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