They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
