she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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