remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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