So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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