nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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