I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
