my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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