Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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