it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Randomize
