cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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