i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize