I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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