My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
