i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
