Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
